i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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