He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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