I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The Olympian is in my bed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
