Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
