I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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