I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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