I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
