Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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