I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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