last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
