I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
