new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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