I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
