is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
