He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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