You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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