I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
