the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
