had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
