Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
