yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
