Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
