his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
