The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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