Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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