so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
