dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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