he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
