is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
