my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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