forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
