I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
