Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
