Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
