just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
