just tell him i said nine months
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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