A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
