I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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