You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
