They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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