I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
