Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
