I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
