my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
