12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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