i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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