when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Two words: nipple clamps
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