Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
