the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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