you guys were way drunker than both of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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