The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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